A Travellerspoint blog

The Gift of Contentment ( January 16, 2013 )

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I was supposed to be home ( where my parents live ) tonight with my dear son, only if my father wasn't as stone hearted as he is now, and probably for the longest time I could imagine. My son would've spent time with his favorite cousin in the world and I would've filled my tummy with my dear mom's home cooking and expensive groceries. I would've packed more things ( my son's toys mostly ) to bring where we live now and enjoyed a night sleeping in our air-conditioned room. I would've looked at all the stuff we left and figured how come we survived the last three weeks without any of it. I would've stayed and contemplated why we left in the first place and maybe turn back time. I could have, but I couldn't.

I haven't watched TV ( missing a lot on my favorite night soap operas ) for the last three weeks because the TV in our new place is broken and we can't buy one just yet. I haven't freely surfed the net and tired my eyes on my laptop, too. I was in a rush the time we left home I forgot to bring my favorite gadget, and a lot more things. The last time I shopped was a little after Christmas, which was last year. There's just so much difference that I sometimes think I could snap and have a change of heart. But I couldn't, and won't.

I made a choice, a tough one. And it's my time to get on my feet and prove them wrong.

I am quite surprised we survived. Happiness is truly a choice. Contentment is next. I am still working on it, and I can try harder. In two more days, I will turn thirty. And for that Lord, please bless me with the gift of contentment... Thank You!

Posted by teen 00:31 Comments (0)

Remembering the Pluses ( January 15, 2013 )

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I got annoyed by my bestfriend's reply to my little ranting. We were discussing about my birthday plans and I told her I don't feel like celebrating because I am depressed. It was as if she snapped, and started to bombard me with the most sarcastic questions and fiery judgment. I was furious, for a while. Then as she dug through the many reasons why she said what she said, I suddenly felt like a little girl being disciplined by her granny. She was right. I've been too caught up with stress and depression that I am failing to see the great things I still have. So I apologized, and thanked her.
Yes, I might not have much, and I probably won't be able to give my son everything he desires, but he is still healthy, and happy. He's been adjusting pretty well, and he's growing sweeter and more adorable each day.
Yes, for some, it seemed like I've turned my back on my family because I chose to be with the man I love, but in a world who knows and understands, I bid farewell to my family because I had to start my own. And so far, I believe we've been doing great.
Happiness is certainly a choice. I just have to let this lonely phase pass. There's so much to live, and be thankful for. Life maybe crazy tough, but I am still blessed with so many. And tomorrow, I will start anew and choose happiness..and more of it.

Posted by teen 00:28 Comments (0)

Pride and Patience ( January 14, 2013 )

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Today, I asked my mom if I can visit their place. She said I can't, not just yet. Because my dad is still horribly mad and things might get really ugly at home. So I shed some tears, and found myself seeking courage and patience from my son's ever adorable smile. I need more patience. As my father's pride grow by a thousand fold, so must my patience.

Posted by teen 00:24 Comments (0)

Loss and Found ( January 13, 2013 )

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Maybe I haven't fully absorbed the weight of my decision, and all the consequences that come along with it. I know I failed my family, my parents, at the most. I know I've started a new life, and that my happiness is misunderstood by them. I know what I lost. I just don't know how to deal with it now. I found my way back to the man I love, and the chance to start over, as a family. But losing the family I've grown with, is an absurd reality and a hindrance to my happiness... I guess I really don't deserve to be happy.

Posted by teen 00:20 Comments (0)

Shackles of Freedom ( January 12, 2013 )

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I probably do not understand what true freedom means. I've made horrible mistakes, gambled with uncertainty and lived my years feeling I know what I want and just what to do. But then, I really don't. So I failed, and tried some more. I figured all I need is to free myself, and to find the meaning of this certain freedom. But then, I am wrong. Again. I realized I wasn't seeking for freedom. Freedom has always been mine. All it takes is acceptance, and maybe a little bit of understanding. I've made crazy choices, and dealt with huge decisions, and at the end of the day, I am not allowed to stop trying, to fail some more and to accept what freedom has come to offer me, every single day.

Posted by teen 00:17 Comments (0)

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